In 2014, my chronic back pain made a surprise visit (note to self: be more careful lifting my granddaughter out of her car seat). Even though I knew that this was just another of life's many challenges, I started feeling sorry for myself. Eventually this spiraled into worrying about aging and all the violence in the world. Finally, I began to worry that I was worrying!
Daisaku Ikeda has said, "Even if you have problems, even if you have done things you regret, or have made mistakes, your whole future still lies ahead of you. If you can just keep moving forward, telling yourself I'll start from today. I'll start afresh from now, from this moment. Then a whole new world of possibilities will open up before you."
"Okay," I thought. "Time to get active."
I knew I had to tap my inner wisdom to find a way to gain a healthier perspective. First, I talked to a few Buddhist friends and also called my therapist, Jeanne. She helped my wife and me through some of our darkest times. She reminded me that I have a full range of emotions that change every moment. I don't need to overreact to what I'm feeling at any given time.
Of course, I don't like physical pain. No one does. Also, at some point, most people are afraid of getting older. So, I started to create a new story about myself called: Making the Best of What I've Got. For instance, I was able to get out of bed today with only minor pain — that's something to be grateful for. I'm also going to stop comparing what I can do today with what I could do in the past. In my new story, I enjoy the things I am able to do.
I began dealing with my feelings of vulnerability. What's going on in the world is very frightening. But I remembered that it's okay to feel sad. A Buddha (that's all of us!) experiences enlightenment in all ten worlds — hell, hunger, anger, learning, tranquility, rapture, realization, bodhisattva and Buddhahood. Buddhism identifies the pain of parting from one's loved ones as one of life's inevitable sufferings. It is certainly true that we can't avoid this experience.
In a recent lecture, Ikeda said, "The most difficult aspect of the principle of the mutual possession of the Ten Worlds is being convinced that the world of Buddhahood is contained within the world of humanity — namely, that it exists right here in our lives, in our ordinary bodies and hearts."
He also encourages us to "become a brilliant beacon, shining with joy and happiness and to live your life with confidence and courage. When you shine with a radiant light, there can be no darkness in your life." Clearly, the choice is mine.
I'm going to continue to try to make the world a better place. I'm also going to give myself time to rest and play with no judgment or comparison with others. The bottom line: I will try to pay more attention to the stories I tell myself and, when they're negative, re-cast them. Now there's something to write about!
