I spoke to fifty high school senior leadership students about pressures facing them -- challenges like how to balance all their activities, how to avoid beating themselves up for making a mistake and how to improve the way they react to the events and people around them. As I left the school, I noticed many colorful chalked statements on the wide sidewalk like these:
Don't give up You are loved We will miss you You are never alone Sending you & your family love
I was aware that a high school sophomore had taken her own life the evening before. Apparently, she had a history of depression. I recalled with the teacher that the girl might have attended one of the freshmen health classes last year where I shared my own experience with depression and despair. I spoke about getting help when you feel helpless and alone. This recollection caused the instructor and me to hug and cry. We agreed that the best we could do was to allow ourselves to grieve and then to refresh our determination to engage with each young person we meet in such a way that they would have a reason to go on living.
Daisaku Ikeda has said, "The experience of losing a loved one impels us toward a deeper understanding of life. Everyone fears and is saddened by death. That is natural. But by struggling to overcome the pain and sadness that accompanies death, we become sharply aware of the dignity and preciousness of life and develop the compassion to share the sufferings of others as our own."
A few months ago, while exploring some of my childhood demons and feelings of helplessness, I came across this reflection by Robert Harrap, the former leader of our lay Buddhist organization in the U.K.: "When we are unsure of whether to behave in a particular way, perhaps there are some questions we can ask ourselves as we are considering what we should do, or how we should do it.... Am I acting with integrity and can I tell my family and friends about this behavior? Will this action create value? To what extent do I respect all the people who will be affected by my actions? Is the dignity of life at the heart of my action? What will be the consequences of this action?"
I heard at a recent study meeting that when asked what he felt his greatest accomplishment in life was, Daisaku Ikeda, soon to have his 90th birthday, replied, "I overcame myself."
As I continue to work on overcoming myself, when I'm emotionally struggling, I plan to:
Chant to have courage, hope & purpose.
Recognize the progress I have already made in my life.
Focus on what I can do now to inspire others - not the entire state of the world.
Study Buddhist & other inspirational writings.
Play the harmonica and piano, write, create art and enjoy nature.
Be a loving, patient & supportive spouse, father and grandfather.
Remember to breathe & exercise.
Avoid catastrophizing physical emotional pain…practice Radical Acceptance!
Remember that my earlier traumatic experiences took place in the past and only exist in the present if I let them.
Always make time to speak to people who encourage me.