"My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me." — Winston Churchill
For over 30 years, I've referred to my wife in hundreds of articles and the book "Romancing the Buddha" as Most Beautiful One (MBO). I'm sure thousands of people, having nothing better to do, are hoping I will shed some much-neglected light on the derivation of this name. So, let's get started.
While she has gone by Trude Lisagor for over 55 years of marriage, I've always suspected that the actual name on her birth certificate was Most Beautiful One — this being her parents' initial verbal reaction upon welcoming her into the world. No surprise. When I first saw her at a high school dance in 1968, I had the exact same response. Not being someone to waste time on deep deliberation, I proclaimed my undying love on our second date. A year later, she ran away with me. Which, I guess, makes me Most Lucky One.
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." — Mignon McLaughlin
Navigating a marriage can be a tricky proposition. It didn't take long for MBO to realize I could be a heap of trouble. I think one of the earliest indications of this was probably when I got fired from my first few jobs, usually for oversleeping. Eventually she figured out how to get me up and out the door, although once my boss had to come out to the parking lot where I had fallen asleep in my car to tell me I was no longer employed there. So, I think we can safely assume that MBO was an unusually patient person.
"Happiness in life is not determined by marriage. The secret to happiness lies in building a strong inner self, a self that no trial or hardship can diminish." — Daisaku Ikeda
Another key aspect of MBO's name is her courage. When so many people were dealing with sudden life-threatening COVID-19 health issues, I was reminded of the time when MBO became numb from the waist down in 1996 with what turned out to be MS. This broke my heart. But then her bravery and determination to walk again have inspired me to continue to work on my own struggles with childhood trauma and depression.
Amazingly, MBO never gave up on me. I think she saw how hard I was trying to become a happier person. And thanks to five decades of chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo side by side every day, along with EMDR and now DBT trauma therapy and medicine, I've been able to face times of crisis with a surprisingly high degree of equanimity. This has made MBO's life (and mine) much more enjoyable!
Of course, no two relationships will ever be the same, nor should they be. What works for some might not work for others. I have realized that, in difficult times like these, certain fundamental behaviors are critical, such as respecting MBO's boundaries and questioning my thoughts before expressing them, especially while being trapped at home for months on end. Is what I'm about to say kind? Is it necessary? Just this simple exercise has really contributed to our ongoing harmony. This has required me to continually work on mastering my mind instead of allowing my mind to master me.
I think the following quote from Daisaku Ikeda applies to people who live together: "Having the energy to argue is a sign of good health! When the two people in a relationship share similar conditions, it is only natural that they will lock horns from time to time."
"It would be great if we could live cheerfully, enjoying life to the extent that we regard our partner's nagging as a sign of their good health and proof that they are still alive and kicking. When we develop a broad state of life, then even our partner's ranting and raving will sound like the sweet song of a bird."
Why, I think I hear MBO chirping. Music to my ears!
Lastly, MBO's inner beauty and humility are clear in her paintings. She watercolors for the joy and inner peace of it, not for the recognition. In a similar manner, no longer able to teach full time because of her MS, she tutored numerous island students for 16 years. The way she gently encouraged them to overcome their scholastic challenges was truly a gift and a reflection of her compassion.
It's probably worth mentioning that this is the only time MBO hasn't edited one of my articles. So, I believe I've now sufficiently embarrassed her.
