My inner transformation (human revolution) has included periodic episodes of sadness. As a child, I dealt with physical and emotional trauma as well as a mental illness by working hard to keep my energy elevated and by trying to make everyone laugh. When that didn't work or I ran out of steam, I hid in a dark depression. None of these defensive mental processes served me well as an adult.
My coping mechanisms influenced how I perceived and reacted to my present everyday realities even though they are no longer occurring today. That's why one of the objectives of my Buddhist practice and therapy has been to learn how to live in the moment based on what is happening today and not my fears of the future that were based on the past. My years of chanting and therapy have reduced how much I reacted to what was happening around and to me.
Another benefit of my Buddhist practice has been the confidence to trust my instincts and inner wisdom. Four years ago, I began to sense a return of some of these destructive mental processes. At the suggestion of my physician, I sought out the help of a psychotherapist who specializes in treating childhood post-traumatic stress with modalities like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). Working together, I greatly reduced the amplitude of my wavy line!
"A passage in the Six Paramitas Sutra says to become the master of your mind rather than let your mind master you. Whatever trouble occurs, regard it as no more than a dream, and think only of the Lotus Sutra." — Nichiren, Letter to the Brothers
Nichiren (1222–1282), the founder of Nichiren Buddhism, encouraged us to master our mind instead of allowing our mind to master us. For me, this means being able to observe how I react to various external stimuli such as chronic pain. If I allow myself to embrace a fear of how bad it might get based on past occurrences, it can flare into a painful and extended condition. When this happened recently, I was able to stay in the moment by visualizing this diagram while I was chanting. Observing the pain vanishing in just a few days was very rewarding.
I am now aware of these past thinking patterns and am more readily able to pull myself into the reality of the moment. My goal is to continue to minimize the amplitude of the wavy line so I can live a balanced and emotionally healthy life.
